please come you make the beer taste better
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
