he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize