Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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