I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your penis caused this!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
