On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
