she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
