I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
