threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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