Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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