I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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