I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
