Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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