his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
