see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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