I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
