Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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