In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
