apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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