In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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