i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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