I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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