I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
