Taylor Swift is so right about you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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