If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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