nut hugger
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Less talking, more tequila
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
