the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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