she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
