im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
