I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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