Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
