Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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