i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
