apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
