He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
