If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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