Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
