think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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