I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
