Moan for me like Helen Keller
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
