Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
