a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
