this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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