i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
