Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
