Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
