I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
