you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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