I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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