Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
