she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
