he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
