You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
