the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
