so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
