Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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