Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
