I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
