remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Randomize
