the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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