does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?