I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
