I CAN MOONWALK!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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