No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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