Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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