I got her a Nickelback box set.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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