you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize